So much to learn

   Well blogging is harder than I thought LOL! I had a long drawn out blog all typed and realized..nah-didn't want it. I tend to be a woman of WAY too many words-shock shock. I definitely tend to over share. I use to think this wasn't such a good thing but I am finding now that I enjoy being that transparent. I have nothing to hide. If I can be who I am before my Savior and stand forgiven then I certainly shouldn't worry about putting on a facade in front of people. Coming from a people pleaser such as myself this is a huge revelation! One of my absolute dearest friends put it straight to me ( she tends to do that a lot-praise God for call it like it is friends!). She asked me why I care so much what others think & worry about their judgement yet I go before God in prayer & worship filthy and all and don't mind at all what He thinks. He should take me as is right? Yes true He sees His Son  not me-but point is-if I can stand before the One who is the Judge and be free-why bind myself to the slavery of others' opinions? It has been beyond freeing!

    And on the subject of freeing-that is the beautiful place I am now. I am seeing this freedom through Shaun's teaching on Galatians, to re-learning my doctrine (more on that later), to a book I am devouring now. (more there too) Christ died to set us FREE! Most rejoice quickly in this truth when it comes to bondage of sin. Of course He set us free! But I am finding a freedom from legalism and rules and expectations. I have been brought up in churches and attended them throughout my adult life that beat it into my head to:

1)have a quiet time

2)read your Bible daily (or in a year if it is time for resolutions)

3) rededicate my life (for those times when I get off track-this is too funny-aren't we ALWAYS off track?)

4)go to church-rain shine sleet snow sickness, every event every program-and if you miss-here comes the guilt trip

"For freedom Christ has set us free;stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

Read that again. Paul doesn't say don't submit to a yoke of sin. He says a yoke of slavery. He explains throughout Galatians not to put rules, expectations and legalism to our faith. While all the things I was taught are not bad things-they also are not beneficial if I let them become what my faith is about. My faith is Jesus-HE is my prize. Not church attendance, not daily Bible reading or a quiet time I don't keep regularly. I desire those things because of Him but they are not requirements. I was always rededicating my life when I got too far off. REALLY? I am never going to be ON. I am a sinner-filthy and all-even my best is junk. Isaiah 64:6 (ESV) "We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment." See even the best I can offer-is filthy, polluted, nasty. So "starting over'" is a vicious cycle-it becomes about behavior modification and doing good things rather than resting in His grace. This isn't a license to sin but a freedom to choose grace and seek His ways. When we fall, repent and seek Him. That simple. Church attendance-oh the days of feeling either guilty for missing or proud of the fact that I was always there. Both are sad in all reality. I was even teaching Jarrett at a young age that we always go to church. While yes I love going to church to worship and learn that is NOT what I want to teach him. I want to teach him Jesus. We go and we soak up the grace of Jesus-but our faith is not based on,  founded upon, or dependent upon going to church. If I miss a Sunday-ok-I still have Him. If I choose a day to rest in Him-ok. He doesn't need my record attendance. I found true freedom in realizing that I do not have to be bound by a yoke of slavery of darkening the church doors every time they're open. 

I am so thankful God caught my attention in all this. I was headed down a road of a typical Pharisee or even the Judaizers. I had conditions on my faith without realizing it. I desired Jesus but I also took on that yoke of doing this & that and either being caught up in guilt for not doing something or patting myself on the back for completing it. 

   I still struggle in all this. I feel bad that I haven't picked up my Bible in a few days-okay since the last sermon. I feel bad that I missed church for something else. I feel bad that I sinned in the same area. But slowly I am learning to lean on Him. My attempts are but that-attempts. They will never measure up. I choose Him. And with that comes freedom and His guidance in this crazy life. Thank you Lord for showing me freedom is You and You alone.